“Ella? Are you going to come?”
Great question, I thought. There was no way I would have done this before. The agenda? A party, with boys, drinking, drugs, dancing, and God knows what else. I’m not the girl who does these things. I read books at home and sew on the weekends with my Grandma and I’ve never danced in my life. I follow all the rules, keep my head down, and smile at everyone. I am the background girl, long forgotten, towards the end of the credits in Life’s movie. And I’m happy with that.
Well… Am I? Grandma is great, but I am ready to do something on my friday’s besides crochet. I love reading, but I’d rather have my own adventures. As for rules, life has so many rules already, why should I add more for myself? I’m ready to quit being a side character in everyone else’s life, including my own. I’m ready to be my own protagonist, and that party was to be my big scene.
So when Amelia asked me if I was going, I said yeah, I’ll see you there, I’m going to go makeover myself. She looked puzzled, but smiled anyway and said she’d see me tonight at 7, and to not be late. I went to the store and bought that black lace dress I saw last week but never imagined would be my mine. I tried the red heels on, size 6, and grabbed some make up from the counter and hurried home to get ready. I threw on the dress, shoes, and the bright red lipstick and I curled my hair, and made it to the party just in time, not too early but not too late.
Once I got there, everyone showered me with compliments, saying my dress was amazing and my shoes were to die for. I smiled with a new found confidence and replied, that I knew. The cocky statement shocked everyone and caused much laughter. A few different guys asked me to dance, and I grabbed one’s hand and pulled him on the dance floor. Nothing was going to stop me tonight. I was given shots and tipped back each and everyone. Close touching, quick kisses, dancing slowly, music pounding; I lost my old self with each song. I had lots of shots and danced with plenty of guys. Some may say I lost myself and my innocence and became another person altogether. Maybe they are right.
But let’s be honest. I became myself that night. I didn’t have sex with anyone, and I may have shed the nice girl act and drank a little too much vodka. I may have kissed a boy or two, and danced with plenty more than that. But that was not my innocence. I definetly didn’t become another person, I simply became more me, for we are all going, and why not take many different paths along our way out?
So yeah. Judge me, tell me I shouldn’t be drinking or dancing or dating. I only ask you this. I lived for the first time in ages that night. I let myself go and became a girl with confidence and love and laughter. When was the last time you were truly free and careless? When was the last time you were genuinely happy with your life?
Break out of your routine. Break the rules. Be reckless, ruthless, and confident.