Ellen Page and the Words I’ll Never Say

In our society it is extremely easy to “fall” for celebrities. My favorite film is called Juno. It was filmed in 2007 and it is the single best movie ever written. While it is amazingly written, the acting behind the writing make it so beautiful. Ellen Page stole my heart from the first time I saw that movie. She (in the film as well as in real life-let’s face it, she’s awesome) was unique, unconventionally beautiful, and hilariously quirky. In a phrase, she was what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I have always been her biggest fan, no matter what those other fans say. However at the February LGBT announcement of her coming out, I was saddened. My celebrity crush had come out as gay. As a christian, I am not sure how to respond. In love? In judgement? Both? I still struggle with that.

However, I do have a response. The secular world will have interviews and speak of the psychology of shame and being true to yourself and talk in what seems like educated answers, but really it is just the “wisdom of the foolish.” Christians, we have got to hold to what the Word says and not what our sinful identities scream to say. It is not empowering or freeing to hold to your genetics. We have freedom in Christ to choose him! He is better. He is better. He is better. Even when we don’t want to believe it, he is still better for us. Not just in homosexual tendencies either. Alcoholism runs in gene pools; it is genetic and runs in families. It is not liberating and anyone who claimed that it was would be a laughing stock in both the secular and christian community. You, your struggles or your passions, are not your identity. You do not have to cave into being something just because you feel like that is “yourself.” You are more.

The temporary liberation that is felt is due to your heart which is deceitful. Of course sin feels gratifying; otherwise it would not be sin! We would not do it if it did not feel good! Why would we? We know it is bad. We know that lying to our parents to get out of trouble is bad but it feels good to pull one over on our parents. Right? Even if you do not want to admit it, it does feel gratifying to get away with something.

My response to Ellen Page, if I were ever able to meet her, is this: Wow. I am such a huge fan. I love, love, love your work and your interviews inspire me to embrace my quirky nature and “be myself.” Thank you for using the gifts God has given you. I love you. Can I share Jesus with you?

Ellen Page is my celebrity crush. I will more than likely never get the chance to say these things to her. However, I have a co-worker who is openly gay and openly Christian. I could only dream of being brave enough to say those things to her.

We are not perfect, Christians. But we do have a response. We do have a worldview. We do have a standpoint, a valid standpoint no less.

Go forth in love and in truth.

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No homo

Once upon a time, I thought that I was gay. 

I kissed a girl before I knew what that means. Did I like it? I’m not sure. When I was in sixth grade I was friends with girls, yet we all dated too. I didn’t even know what that meant. It was all so innocent. 

Right? I’m not gay, surely I’m not. 

Yet when I went into my junior year of high school, I realized that maybe I wasn’t so normal. No one else I knew had made out with other girls. I kept it a secret; kept it hidden. I was ashamed of it. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. I still had not kissed a guy, and I was really nervous too because if I didn’t like it, what did that mean? Did that mean I was gay? 

 No. 

When I did kiss a boy for the first time, I didn’t like it. I was in a tree, with a boy I didn’t like, who didn’t respect or really care about me at all. 

So why was I surprised? 

I was not gay. I realized that later. 

I remember crying after that event to my best friend and telling her that I didn’t want to be gay. I find that comical now because if you don’t want to be gay then you are clearly not gay. But at the time I was really distraught. I even still thought I was gay after and went out with another boy who I didn’t like but wanted so badly to feel something for. When he kissed me, I also felt nothing. Even though I was mentally convincing myself that I was gay, externally I was determined to not be gay. I ignored it.

When I first started dating my boyfriend, I was not sure how I felt. I felt casual because he was just a friend and I didn’t expect to feel anything for him anyway. But when I went to the prom with him, I felt something real.

When we kissed the first time, I’m not sure how I felt about it. But I didn’t say anything. I just kept quite. After we kissed a few more times, and I actually got to know and care and love him, I realized I wasn’t gay, but simply confused. 

I am eternally grateful I met the man of my life and he is ever accepting of me, s I am.

But more so, I am grateful that the person I fell in love with was my best friend, and I will never be confused on that again.