A Mother’s Love

To my mother who was told that at 22 the last thing she needed was a baby.

To my mother who did not get an abortion when asked.

To my mother who has never been unkind to my Dad’s mother.

To my mother who called me even when I hit ignore on all her calls,

To my mother who had a baby at 22 and has never said it was a mistake.

To my mother who decided her call in life is to be just that.

To my mother who never gave up on me.

To my mother who called every day when I moved out on my own,

To my mother who listened to me cry tears of loneliness over the phone,

To my mother for believing in me when I most needed you,

To my mother who worries about me when I am sick or traveling

To my mother who still listens to the CD I made her in Christmas 2012.

To my beautiful mother who doesn’t always believe me when I remind her of her beauty.

To my mother who always finds a way to take care of those she loves,

To my mother who fought for me when the odds were stacked against her,

To my mother who was the object of slander and lies that I believed and yet she apologized anyway.

To my mother who has made mistakes.

To my mother who has apologized for her own as well as forgiven me for mine.

To my mother-you are the mother who cares.

Thank you. There will never be another quite like my adoring mother.

You are irreplaceable.

You are indestructible.

Do not forget that you are Pocahontas-you chose the harder path by having me.

I love you Mommy.

Autobiography.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved herself. She hated herself, but wanted others to love her; however, the pride of loving/hating herself was the same as loving herself. She constantly thought of fantasies of ways people could show how great she was: kissing her, asking her on dates, praising her for style or grace or smarts, anything one could think of, she had imaginied getting praise for it. She was traveling down the path of life, joined by many others. It was a wide path, so many people joined her on it. When she met such people, she fell in love with how they could love her, not really them. She critisized and analyzed people, always either good or bad, worthy or not, loved or unloved. These people eventually would leave her for a much narrower path. She felt betrayed and hurt and alone and worthless when this happened. She quit stopping to eat along this path, she quit talking to people, she closed inwards. She shut herself off from love. There was a fairy who often flew alongside her on this path, even when she didn’t want her there. The fairy was kind and thoughtful, with impossibly curly blonde hair. The fairy annoyed the selfish, black-hearted woman, however, and she often shooed her away. When she didn’t shoo the fairy away, she complained to the fairy. She complained that everyone always left her, that her path was difficult, that she was unloved. The fairy always comforted her. One day, the fairy stopped coming to her. She also flew down the narrow path. Naturally, the young woman felt utterly betrayed by this fairy. She had always wanted that fairy to be there for her, to listen, to convince her to eat, to bug her, to love her. Crying and sobbing and outright pouting, the girl howled until the fairy flew over from the other path to ask whatever was the matter. The girl spouted off lines of selfishness, saying no one cared for her. The fairy looked hurt and angered, so much so that the girl stopped her crying and just looked at the fairy. The fairy pursed her usually smiling lips and said in a devastated tone a soliloquy that would make a giant cry:

I held your hand after every fall,

I kissed you after the weep and bawl

I presented you with a kiss,

Only getting a hit and a miss

Slowly I came to realize, that I

Have more to do than dry your ever wet eyes

I’ll always love you, can’t you see?

It was you who never truly loved me.

The girl was speechless and started to see every blind and selfish act she ever made to the beautiful fairy. The fairy smiled, patted her arm, but she flew away to her new friends, her true ones. The girl was jealous of the new friends, but in time she came to see that she could never again be with that beautiful fairy.