Existential Pining

As I scroll through Instagram and look at photos of people I no longer see or particularly care about, I become a tad bit existential. What does this all mean? I want to meet more people, get more involved in there lives, get more aquainted with all the whole world with it’s many colors, accents, and faces.

I want to travel.

I want to pack up my car and my boyfriend and my little life and leave.


That is not what I am to do.

I am to live the American life right now. I can begin making connections slowly, and leave eventually.

For now I am called to stay.

And that existentially, experientially, sucks.

But I must believe it is better.




How easy it is to have nostalgia for a place I have yet to visit and an experience I have not experienced.

I watch shows where the sounds and scenery of Ireland lulls me to a yearning.

I have witnessed the feeling of awe at the crowds bustling in Times Square and long to be a part of that atmosphere on the daily.

I see the huge mountains of Colorado and the mysteriousness of the Grand Canyon and want to find myself there.

When will I have the oportunity to go abroad? To see the history and beauty and dampness of London?

I am yearning here in my small little kitchen inside of the state of Oklahoma and I am forgetful of all I love.

The weather isn’t so bad.The heat is stifling in the summer time and the winter is sporadic and unkind. Us Oklahomans long for the joy of spring time that seems to never come and when it finally does suddenly it is gone. The fall appears to hold promises that are too soon swept away into winter. There are things to do in the metro that I am discovering. And our sunrises are glorious due to the flatness of the land.

Yet it is always, always there, this itching in my feet to travel and explore and experience a new and exciting place.

Please, take me away.