Discernment

Unconditional….

A long time ago after a trip to the mall with Memaw, I came home to my mommy crying.
“I lost.”
Oh mommy it’s just a game. Everybody loses sometimes.
“No baby. I lost you. You are going away.” Sobs escape through chilling words.
Where? I don’t want to go anywhere mommy. Please stop crying.
I began to cry as well. Even at the young age of 6 I had an unfortunate talent at absorbing others misery.
“You are going to live with your dad.”
What?
Fast forward.
“No Jaid. We always loved you. We didn’t take you away from your mom. She manipulated you. Can’t you see the truth through all the lies? Look at all we bought for you. Look at all we’ve done for you”
I’m sorry. You must be right.
Fast forward.
Mom how could you lie?
Mom. I loved you first.
Please. Please realize you are lying.
“Baby I’m sorry. I am trying to tell try truth. I am telling the truth.”
Wait a second.
Huh.
Fast forward.
Fast forward.
Can I…?
No. No. No.
No. No. No.
But why?
Disrespectful. Liar.
Ungrateful. Fake.
Owchie.
“Don’t do that..
Can’t do this..
Geez. You are just like your mom. I will not have that done to my kids. Stop.”
Hey. No I am not.
“You see Jaid, you don’t even know what you want. You don’t know. We do know. You’ve never lived it. We have. You have no idea what you are talking about.”
But, I do though?
This is my decision.
“If you can’t make the right decision on your own, we’ll make it for you”
What?! No way!
“Disrespectful, rude, ungrateful brat”
No, but really I..
“Hush.”
“Jaid your dad didn’t want you. He had another girl he dated. He wanted me to get rid of you…”
“Lies, liar, fake”
Wait! Please this is me. I’m telling the truth. This is me…?

“No.”
.
When do the lies end?
When did the truth begin?

Please just stop. Stop it.

Love? Truth? Trust? Right? Wrong?

What the hell is the difference?

No one ever asked me.

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