Tribute to the ways of Old

Moving. It is an interesting thing. For example…

The Tuesday before my graduation on Friday and my moving day on Saturday I cried over classmates I had only weeks ago thought I’d never miss. Suddenly old memories were flooding my brain as the tears flew down my face and I realized that all my talk was a lie. I really would miss these people and this stage of my life. I was moving on and that is so exciting but I couldn’t neglect to remember this beautiful time that was my life. I loved going to school from 8-4, even though I said I hated it. I liked getting up with a purpose in the morning and knowing I would see my classmates. Although we didn’t always get along, it was nice to know that a normalness awaited at school. My classmates that Tuesday night all reminescied too, and talked about many things. Fears, anxiousness, cuss words, cancer struggles, friend struggle, depression, suicidal thoughts, ect. were all discussed. Usually we wouldn;t, but I think everyone on that trip realized we were a disfunctional family all along. 

Anyhow, even though I cried that night I also had fun that week. I jumped in a lake, I made up with people I always thought I’d hate, and I came to terms with leaving. At graduation during the video they play with the sad music and baby pictures made me cry because I could almost see these people’s stories played out on that screen. We all had become real grown ups, actual adults. It was time to go. Yet, I cried through the whole video. I looked across and locked eyes with classmates who shook their head at me or smiled a smile that made me cry harder. But once the video was over, and it was time to walk across the stage, I felt that strength come back in my system. 

I was ready. 

I had cried my tears, I had hugged and taken pictures, I had done my time. It was time to get that diploma. So I walked across and got cheers of applause. I got flowers and gave them away. I got a lei that made the headmaster question me on stage which made me laugh. I threw up my hat and said PEACE to high school. My boyfriend spun me around like crazy and hugged me tight. My friends came and gave me hugs and congrats. I said my thank yous and gave my last drops of good byes. And I left.

The next day I got up and got ready to leave. All my boxes were packed, all my items were ready. At 530 on a Saturday afternoon, I said goodbye to my old bed, my old room, my old house, my old life. And I got in my car and drove to say goodbye to my bestest friend. Then I left Enid for good. 

See, where did all of those tears go? I was truly ready to go and leave and move on. I had prepared my mind and heart and soul and calmed my storm that Tuesday night and Friday night said good bye. I end again by saying moving is a funny thing. I’m glad I’m here. I find it hard to miss old things because I am happy where I am. Yet I loved that time in my life. 

This is my toast to my old life. Cheers. 

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Why I’m…

Because curse words are over rated and overused at the same time. 

Because college is a mystery that is unexplainable

Because music completes me

Because rain is a beautiful rhythm tap, tap, tapping out its love for the world

Because the sun warms us all yet gives us melanoma

Because cancer sucks

Because the moon comes out to shine for us every night

Because love covers all sins like a blanket at a bonfire with laughing friends

Because the love of my life is too far away tonight

In love

Slowly, slowly breathe. 

I trace the outline of your scrawny hips and listen to your breathe as you sleep beside me. I can’t imagine being anywhere else half as content. The weight of your sleepy frame is sweet and dream like. I can never sleep with your body next to me out of fear I will miss something. Shh, sleep now. Sleep peacefully now. 

You whisper mutterings in your angelic sleep state and I turn to your face and trace your lips. I think that you won’t notice if I move, yet even the slightest motion makes you hold on to me that much tighter. 

As you sleep, I think about the Odyssey. Not the ancient novel of long ago, but the progression of every human being. I think about how the people next to me on the subway are going through their own expeditions and adventures and pitfalls as I sit thinking of myself. Mostly though, I think about how I have changed to be a better person through my relationship with you. You have changed as well. The Sk8er Boi you used to be has turned into my sweet innocent boyfriend. I am no longer the sarcastic witty brat but am growing in the wisdom of the Lord everyday. I am also no longer the lonely, broken girl who screamed to anyone who asked that she would never get married. Instead I am the crazy in love girl who pledges herself to you. The concept of us baffles me. We are just two kids who love Jesus with all our hearts and found each other. You are all I’ve ever thought about wanting.

I finish up thinking of change and metamorphisis just as you open your ocean sea green eyes and smile sweetly at me with your left front tooth chipped and whisper I love you in a scratchy voice. I don’t doubt I made the right choice. I never will. You are the only man for me.   

I, You, and Us

I wake up and run outside to breathe in the morning air and catch the beginning rays of the sun. 

I rush back inside at 530 and jump in the warm shower to wash away the night time sleepiness.

I get my phone to text you. I am about to send “GOOD MORNING HANDSOME!”

But. I don’t. 

I put my phone down and walk over to my closet to get dressed.

I go back in bed. 

I lay there. 

I don’t get up. 

I get sad. 

I realize you must have left already. 

I close my eyes. 

I begin to cry

Less than a minute later you walk back into my room.

You sit next to me.

I stop crying. 

“Babe?” 

I thought you had left

You stayed, and promised me forever. .

I’ll never ever leave your side. 

I mean it.

You said. 

You meant it. 

Odd.